My Very Own Photoshoot: Reveling in Pregnancy and Play

I was rushing about trying to get all the things in order, make lunch, mediate toddler disagreements, splash my face with water, oil and mascara to get out the door in a timely fashion, all while longing for a moment to really honour the process of getting ready for my very own photoshoot - yes, that's right, ME in front of the camera. When preparing for the spaces that I hold, I take my time and prepare well in advance. For some odd reason, I couldn't gift myself the same luxury.

That was, until I received Zarna's message "Good morning! I would love for you to show up with you. Don't need to bring anything." A gesture so simple yet at my

32 weeks of pregnancy, it is what initiated the tears to pour, not stopping for at least the next hour as I made my way out of the house. My body softened, the emotional tension I had been hoarding in my basement for days slowly surfaced and released and my eyes and skin were cleansed, This! Was the perfect preparation that I didn't fully know I needed, more important than the clothes, makeup and the I've-got-myself-togetherness - to feel held and safe to be with exactly what was alive.

When I arrived at Zarna's, she led me down to the river that passes through her land. Earth, fresh water. blooming belly and playfulness were already becoming the themes of the day. As Zarna invited me to drop into my body and surroundings, I felt completely safe. I realised that this was one of the first moments that I was taking to truly honour this time of baby and me being one, in my third pregnancy.

In my first pregnancy, midwife visits, hypnobirthing classes and endless time fireside were my go-to places of connecting in. In my second pregnancy I reveled in the monthly Matrescence gatherings held by dear sisters, I created art inspired by the blooming female body and definitely made time for rest. This time round, apart from my monthly massages, life has continued on as usual with my work, a garden to tend, a house to finish and my two delightful wildlings running around. This photoshoot was marking a very sacred moment, giving myself the space for baby and I to be loved up on, witnessed and be made into art.

So we began. Having been on the other side of the camera many times, I loved I feeling in my body how it is to merge with nature in front of the camera. I lay on a log, fondled a tree and hopped over slippery rocks.

Zarna told me about some moss-covered chairs that she thought would be a cool backdrop so we made our way there. When we arrived we burst into fits of giggles as Zarna realised "oh, they aren't as I remember them." Two plastic chairs, falling apart and covered in grey mildew. They were not quite the rustic vibe she had been envisioning but we were game and played around anyway, curious to see all the ways I could rock the look.

Then as we attempted to cross the river, I fell in. It took the decision out of my hands - I entered the freezing water and lay there as Zarna positioned herself to play with the reflections. I was surprised to notice that I felt completely comfortable as the cold reached my bones. In the process of creation, these usually uncomfortable sensations become part of the journey, actually bringing flavour to what we are creating. I loved gazing directly into the camera as if to say "hello divine, this is me, I have nothing to hide."

Finally too cold to continue and shivering, we made our way back to where we had begun and spoke our gratitude to close this time together. We were both completely high on the energy that comes when you become moved by life and we pondered how this is not part of our everyday mundane- following where life calls us, looking a little bit closer and refinding our intrinsic curiousity without being attached to a certain way of showing up in the world. How can we bring flavours of this magic into our everyday lives, especially as mothers? And how can we continue to remember how incredibly fun it is to play?

I think a good start is to intentionally create these spaces for ourselves where we can feel in our bodies what it is like to open ourselves up to purely being in the creative process and invite moments of this feeling into our mundane. A simple moment of feeling the sun on skin, or a deep breath into our bellies as we remember we are ALIVE can reactivate the magic.